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Hi Friend,
Back in letter three, we talked about faith stages, and how shifting from stage to stage was a well-documented process
You may remember that Brian McClaren outlined four stages: simplicity, complexity, perplexity, and harmony.
I learned about the stages of faith when I had two feet planted in perplexity, a stage that is marked by questioning and doubt. Having felt like I lost most of what I was sure I knew, I felt confused and unsure by all the complexities that I was now experiencing. If you’re there, you know why it’s called perplexity!
From then on, it was a lot of questioning, learning, more questioning, learning, and so on.
Eventually, we hopefully get to a new understanding of faith and reconcile a few things while being open to not reconciling others. Eventually, I think we can become more inclusive, compassionate, and maybe a little more willing to live with uncertainty.
But here’s the thing, faith transitions are complex—so many ideas, so much history, so many opinions. During this time, I’ve found that one thing has worked for me: to simplify and focus on what truly matters.
You don’t have to figure everything out at once.
Let yourself breathe and take things one step at a time.
I wanted to share an exercise that I’ve recently found helpful when I felt lost in the perplexity of the questioning, reading, listening to podcasts, attending church, etc.
At one point, I was lost in perplexity and it all felt so complicated, like sitting at the table in front of a jigsaw puzzle, trying to put pieces together. There was so much questioning, reading, listening to podcasts about the Church, spirituality, and self-help.
So, I decided to simplify by writing out where I was and what I should focus on with just three questions:
- What’s working for me right now? What practices, beliefs, or ideas are helping me feel grounded and at peace? I can just hold onto these
- What am I working on? These are the things I’m actively wrestling with—big or small. I try to keep this list short.
- What do I want to work on in the future? This is my “parking lot”—ideas or questions I’ve set aside for later, when I have more capacity. This can be as long as needed.
It’s not a magical framework, but it helped me get the clutter out of my head and onto paper. It gave me some breathing room.
Here’s a glimpse of what I wrote the first time I tried this:
What’s working:
- My understanding of and peace with Church history and restoration claims
- Living with uncertainty
What I am working on:
- What are my scriptures—that is, what brings peace and puts me in a contemplative state of mind?
- What are my core beliefs?
What do I want to work on in the future?
- A better understanding of the nature of God
- Building a wider sense of community and service
Sometimes I am a bit methodical, so this helped me.
The one that surprised me most: living with uncertainty. I felt and still feel more at peace in with belief in uncertainty than I ever did in a rigidly defined certainty. And I’ve come to believe that an overemphasis on certainty can do more harm than good.
I love what the poet Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote,
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
So, wherever you are on your journey, whether in simplicity, complexity, perplexity, or harmony, I hope this simple exercise can give you a little space. A little grace. And a reminder that it’s okay to move slowly.
With warmth,
Your Friend