Hi Friend,
This is my last letter.
I can already think of about ten other letters with things I could write about. But you and I know that this is not how it works. I am nothing more than a fellow traveler, hopefully one of many that you’ll meet along the way that you will learn from and teach.
But I’ve thought for a while about what I’d want to say to you—to wrap this up, to offer something lasting, with the hope that we’ll reconnect again in the future.
I hope you have sensed that I haven’t written these letters to tell you how to think, or what to choose, how to navigate your evolving faith, or even whether to believe and have faith at all. Instead, I’ve tried to focus on something simpler and maybe more important: how to take care of yourself while navigating your journey.
Throughout it all, I’ve made the assumption that you would prefer to hold onto some belief in God, and that you’d like to stay in contact with them.
So, I want to use this final letter to talk two things I currently hold top of mind, and one thing I hold dear.
I’m at the point in my journey where I mostly think about two important topics, the first of which is flourishing.
What does flourishing mean? I think it’s a good exercise to define it for yourself.
To me, flourishing means that despite all I’ve been through, despite how much my perspective has changed, that I can find a way to move forward that is positive and leads to transformation. For me, right now, that includes:
Reclaiming and owning authority, taking responsibility for oneself, one’s values, growth, and the actions that will most help one achieve one’s objectives.
Resilience, the ability to recover from setbacks.
Accepting grace and knowing that one’s healing is beyond what we ourselves can do.
Feeling loved by the divine, without condition or merit and feeling self-worth.
Being able to listen and pull from many traditions and ideas, and take from it what is helpful for oneself.
Living with and being comfortable with complexity and uncertainty.
Involved in authentic relationships and a supportive community.
Feeling a sense of meaning, awe and wonder with the world.
Finding a spirituality that allows one to connect with God and an ability to be nourished.
All of these lead me to the second thing I hold top of mind, and that is meaning making: how to assign importance and meaning to the past and interpret things in a way to go forward confidently and with purpose.
That feels like a day-by-day process, and that brings me to one thing that I hold dear: bringing questions to God.
One thing I have appreciated about our LDS tradition is that it encourages us to take our questions to God. It was founded on the very idea that when we have questions, we should go to God for answers.
Like one fellow traveler said to me, “I prefer to get my answers from primary sources.” Yes!
Throughout my own journey, my belief in God has never faltered. Oh, I’ve tested it. But even when everything else was in question, I still believed because I chose to believe. And I still do. It might be easiest to think I am wired for it. But in many ways, it just may be my preference.
And in my searching for God, I have found this: an even more loving, kind, and generous God than I previously believed in.
I believe God is eternally invested in us, endlessly patient, and deeply good. I believe They want what’s best for us. I believe They want us to wrestle, to wonder, and to grow. And to do that, I believe They want us to ask questions.
Remember when we talked about Jacob wrestling the angel? When Jacob held him, he asked for a blessing. The angel blessed him and named him Israel. That name, Israel, means “one who struggles with God.”
God lets us struggle so we can grow. And if God lets us struggle, I believe They also walk with us—not just when we’re faithful and sure, but also when we’re uncertain and undone. Maybe more so.
So, if you’ve felt alone in your questions, know this: you’re not. I believe in a God that doesn’t withdraw when we are wondering or wandering on our journey. God meets us there. Right there, in the middle of the journey, the twists, the turns, the wrong ways, because God is excited for us to grow.
Remember, “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
I don’t know what kinds of questions God answers or wants to answer. I’ve tended to shy away from asking about missing car keys or what color to paint my house. I don’t know if They answer those questions or not.
But I do wonder if God is waiting for us to ask big questions. I’m curious if They want us to think bigger, waiting to reveal to us more.
Maybe this faith journey is God’s way of getting us to ask the big questions, to not be content with asking the small stuff.
Sarah Bessey said it right about faith journeys,
“It’s quite possible that this is all part of God’s plan.
Sometimes one of the greatest gifts God gives us is losing our religion. We have to be committed to unlearning the unhelpful, broken, false, or incomplete things if we want to have more space to relearn the goodness, joy, and embrace of God.”[1]
May, this is God’s way of telling us, “Sure, I’ll tell you where the car keys are. But next time, bring your big questions.”
I don’t know if I believe in a single straight and narrow path anymore. Let me rephrase that–I am not sure that strait and narrow means a path rigidly defined by taking specific steps, checking off a list, following a long list of commandments, and doing it one way.
I think God wants us to listen to Them and for Them. I also think that They are every bit as vigilant as the father of the prodigal son in looking for us to return home, no matter the road, path, or field we take. I think we can find our way back to Them, finding that They are there, searching the horizon, waiting to embrace us again.
And I’ve found that’s what really matters no matter where you are on the journey. It’s what’s in your heart—and who you’re becoming.
And if you’re becoming more loving, more patient, more kind—then I believe you’re doing the journey right.
When I first started my journey, I encountered people who had already been on theirs for ten or twelve years. That worried me. If they hadn’t figured it out yet, how long would it take me to reach the destination?
But the more I am on it, the more I realize there probably is no “figuring it out” or any destination. There’s no final state in this life where there is one Big “T” Truth, one catalog of knowledge. In some ways, it’s a constant set of deconstruction and reconstruction to something higher, and better.
It brings new light to the idea that Jesus is the way. He’s not the path to get there, but the way to follow, and keep following. That’s what’s strait and narrow about the path: it involves love, and growth. It’s narrow because so few choose it.
Brian McClaren summed it up well, “God is not a destination. Like a river, like a road, God takes us somewhere. For that reason, the authentic experience of communion with God leads into communion with all of God’s creations. The deeper we go into the love of God, the deeper we are led into all that God loves.” [2]
So, wherever your journey takes you, I hope you feel that love from God—and that love for all that God loves. That is flourishing. That is real peace.
Safe journey.
With warmth,
Your Friend
P.S. I am glad I’ve had this time with you on your journey. As we part, I am not sure where the path takes us. But I am really glad to be on it–isn’t that the exciting part? And, despite the pain, I am glad that you are on it too.
My hope is that these words are helpful to you on your road to becoming. Much love!
[1] Sarah Bessey, Field Notes for the Wilderness
[2] Brian McClaren, Faith After Doubt