Reading time: 9 minutes
Dear Friend,
I’m writing because I sense that you’ve been experiencing a shift—in your beliefs, in your faith, in your life.
If I’m wrong, I apologize for sending this. You can crumple it up and throw it away.
But if you’ve been feeling unsettled, if something inside you has been shifting in ways you can’t quite explain, please read on.
I’ve noticed it but, don’t worry—it’s not obvious to everyone, except maybe to those who have been through it, like me.
I am writing to you because I’ve been there. For a long time, I couldn’t fully articulate what was happening. In my journal, I kept describing it as tectonic plates of the earth moving—slow, deep, and inevitable. My foundation was shifting, but I didn’t really know why.
I wasn’t sure what was changing or how much, but I could feel the shift.
I don’t know exactly what you are going through. So, I am writing these letters essentially as if they are to me. I can only address what I would have wanted to know when I went through my faith journey. I am sharing them with you in the chance that it will give you some help and a sense of hope.
If you’re there, I want you to know this one thing first: You are not alone. Let me support that claim, first with a little data. If you are still in the LDS faith tradition, more people that you might expect around you in the pews every week are going through some of the same questions you are.
Back in 2011 research from the Pew Charitable Trust found that about 22% of members of the LDS church expressed some doubt about the Church’s teachings.[1] That’s over one in five members!
But recent data shows a bigger shift in those that question. LDS researcher, journalist, and author Jana Riess and Benjamin Knoll have recently completed a study of members in which they identify a group they call “Liminals” who are somewhere between full orthodoxy and disaffiliation. The individuals may participate in church activities and maintain some level of belief, but they also experience significant doubts or disagreements with church teachings. From their research, Liminals make up about 55% of LDS church members.[2]
So, you’re not alone.
As Elder Dieter Uchtdorf observed “There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions.” [1]
At another time, he reassured young adults, “We are a question-asking people. We have always been because we know that inquiry leads to truth.” [2]
Then, he went on to say, “Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a precursor of growth.”
There you have it: asking questions equals growth.
Now, second, also know this: You’ve done nothing wrong to be the place you are in. As Elder Uchtdorf says, you’re actually at the beginning of a stage of growth.
I may not know exactly what you’re feeling, but I have a sense of one part of it. Whatever has brought you to where you are, you’ve probably said to yourself, “I used to be so strong in my faith. I knew this, I believed that…and now I don’t.”
Or maybe, “I still believe, but I’ve learned something new that contradicts or complicates what I have known.”
Now, it feels confusing—because it is. And it’s a lot to work through.
Oftentimes complication and confusion come with feelings of guilt or shame, like you did something wrong to cause it.
And I am going to be upfront with you: often shame comes from the way leaders and members in the church frame questioning, uncertainty, and doubt as problems. Whether they intend to or not, we come away feeling like we’ve done something wrong to be sitting here with our questions handling new information that contradicts our previous way of thinking.
So let me take one burden off your shoulders by saying it again: You did not cause this. You didn’t do anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with you because you are struggling with questions or doubts.
Do you remember the story of Jacob in the Old Testament? After Jacob wrestles with an angel of God, he asks for a blessing. The angel blesses him and says, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel (Yisra’el), for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed” (Genesis 32:29)
The name Yisra’el means “he struggles with God.”
Struggle is in the name.
As I’ve struggled with questions myself, I eventually found that my unsettled feelings had a name—cognitive dissonance. For me, it was the tension of realizing that what I was seeing didn’t always align with the values and beliefs I held deep in my heart. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort you feel in seeing and holding or witnessing conflicting thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors. That was my tectonic plate shift.
And like you, I needed to understand it. I had to read, to learn, to ask questions—to find clarity.
Maybe that’s where you are now. Maybe you’ve had questions before, but you set them aside.
You’ve heard hard or surprising things, learned things, and tucked them away in a corner of your mind. And yet, no matter how much you try to move forward, questions keep coming back.
You’ve even followed Elder Uchtdorf’s counsel to doubt your doubts. But that dissonance lingers.
I am not going to tell you all the problems I or others have seen and felt. Like many, your shift possibly started with something someone said that didn’t feel right.
Or maybe a child or a friend of yours left the Church, and their journey made you wonder. If so, bless you for your heart is in the right place. You are trying to understand complicated issues.
Maybe you have an LGBTQ+ child, sibling, or friend whom you love dearly, and you’re struggling to reconcile that love with the way they’ve been treated by others. Again, you’re blessed for your love and charity.
Perhaps your love for God and Christ is making you question a Church policy or an experience you’ve had.
Or you’ve seen historical events in the Church in more detail, and it’s left you wondering why it’s different from the stories you’ve heard at Church.
Whatever it is, just start here: Cognitive dissonance is normal—it’s a psychological response when things don’t match up. And it’s natural to seek answers to resolve those feelings. That natural way comes from questioning.
Sometime in my searching, I came to appreciate the wisdom of Elder Hugh Brown:
“I admire men and women who have developed the questing spirit, who are unafraid of new ideas as stepping stones to progress. We should, of course, respect the opinions of others, but we should also be unafraid to dissent—if we are informed. Thoughts and expressions compete in the marketplace of thought, and in that competition truth emerges triumphant. Only error fears freedom of expression… This free exchange of ideas is not to be deplored as long as men and women remain humble and teachable… We must preserve freedom of the mind in the Church and resist all efforts to suppress it.”
Perhaps you’ve sought out additional information. You’ve looked beyond Church sources. That’s understandable. No one should fault you for seeking answers. No one should shame you for trying to understand the truth.
This Church was founded on the very premise that those who ask God can receive answers.
Elder Uchtdorf gives us some reassurance, “Some might ask, ‘But what about my doubts?’ It’s natural to have questions—the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding.”
If you’re in that place now, please don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for being here. For seeking, for learning. You are here, at this moment, because of good intentions. Because you value truth.
I am sure that you’ve felt enough of the struggle to know that no one would choose to feel what you’ve felt. Who would choose dissonance and uncertainty? Your goal has been to resolve those feelings, and that’s what causes pain. You’ll hopefully find that’s what causes growth as well.
So don’t let guilt or fear make those struggles worse. As church historian and author Melissa Inouye once said, “Struggle is a feature, not a bug.”[3] So don’t fret the struggle.
And most importantly, know you are not alone.
If you’re interested, I’ve written some additional letters that I am happy to share with you. I won’t answer any specific questions or address thorny issues. There is plenty of that to be found elsewhere.
Each letter is simply designed to help you to recognize that what you’re feeling on your journey is normal and help you on your path. They come from what I myself have learned, and from the wisdom and counsel that I was lucky enough to hear from others. They are just designed to reassure you, not point you in any one direction.
I also take pains to not raise any additional doubts for you or open up more issues for you. That’s not my goal.
Importantly, I don’t have answers for you to get through this faster or provide you with a simple “10 step plan” to get through this. I don’t think that’s productive or even realistic. Each person is on their own journey and it’s better to find your way in your own time.
My goal is just to help you know a few things along your journey, wherever that leads you.
Because it’s your journey.
So, wherever you are on that journey, take a minute to pause. Take a deep breath and feel that you are loved. You are important.
Speaking of journey, feel free to move on to letter two when you are ready.
With warmth,
Your Friend
P.S. In case you are wondering where I have come through on all of this. I will tell you this: I am still on the journey, just as you are. I believe in God, a Heavenly Father, and a Heavenly Mother, and I believe and trust in the example of Jesus Christ. In the process of re-examining my faith I have found that they are more loving and kinder than I had ever before felt. I don’t have all the answers that I thought I once needed to have, and I am very much okay with that.
[1] Dieter Uchtdorf, Come Join with Us, October 2013.
[2] CES fireside, November 2009
[3] Melissa Inouye, Sacred Struggle
[1] A fifth of Mormons express doubts about some church teachings, October 10, 2013, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/10/10/a-fifth-of-mormons-express-doubts-about-some-church-teachings/
[2] https://www.instagram.com/mormon.land/reel/DEn0S_oBLY7/ and https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2025/01/03/why-people-leave-lds-church-why/ (Paywall).