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Hi Friend,
I hope you’ve had time to reflect on what I wrote last time about allowing your journey to take as much time as needed. Perhaps it has allowed you to extend patience to yourself in the process.
If you have, here is another patience test: In your search for answers, you will likely find far more questions than certainties.
Let’s explore this starting with knowing. As Latter-day Saints, we use the word “know” a lot. We often say it in place of words like hope, believe, think, or having faith.
Whether we mean to or not, we elevate “knowing” as the highest form of belief. To many– if not most– in our religious tradition, it represents certainty, and anything less can feel insufficient. Further, we hold the common belief that all principles, doctrines, and answers are knowable, and that truth is always spelled with a big capital T.
That kind of certainty can feel really secure—until it doesn’t. And it can become unsettling when we encounter more to the story than we previously understood or when facts aren’t as clear-cut as we once thought. In those moments, the word “know” can start to feel less welcoming to us personally.
Eventually, the expectation of knowing may feel burdensome—especially when we are often told there is a specific set of things we should “know.”
This idea of knowing specific things was evident in a talk by Elder Gary Stevenson in a General Conference talk in which he said a testimony should include five elements:
- “God is your Heavenly Father; you are His child. He loves you.
- Jesus Christ lives. He is the Son of the living God and your Savior and Redeemer.
- Joseph Smith is a prophet of God called to restore the Church of Jesus Christ.
- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God’s restored Church on the earth.
- The restored Church of Jesus Christ is led by a living prophet today.”
Of course, accepting those five things presupposes that you “know” many other things as well.
If you’re like me, you have probably borne testimony of knowing these and many other things throughout your life—the Book of Mormon, the First Vision, the priesthood, modern revelation, and so on.
Now, as you navigate your faith journey, you may have questions about some of them.
At first, that was really hard for me. I was so accustomed to knowing that, when I encountered difficult truths, my instinct was to regain my certainty—to “know” all the answers again. Without that knowledge, I felt diminished, like I was losing ground. I wanted to progress again—get back to knowing.
When you no longer feel certain, you may find others in the Church are focus on returning you to knowing everything on that list. They will advise you to do what they believe will help: pray more, study the scriptures more, fast more, repent, attend the temple more.
That’s great if that counsel works for you. But in my experience, I don’t know many people who, after encountering difficult questions, have prayed, studied, or fasted their way back to their old testimony.
Even more challenging, you may find yourself caught in the never-ending study cycle when you learn about a difficult topic, which leads you to another and another, until you start uncovering more and more troubling questions—about history, doctrine, leadership, changes over time, complex figures and so on. Soon you are jumping from one issue to another, adding layers of complexity and uncertainty to your faith experience.
With each topic, you begin a new cycle: encountering difficult information, trying to understand it, reading and listening to podcasts, wrestling with tough emotions—only to leave it unresolved before moving on to the next concern.
I’ve been there. It was painful, constantly moving from one unsettling topic to another. Sleepless nights. Waking the next morning tired and depleted.
And it really has the possibility of never ending. You will always find more questions than answers.
If you’re struggling with this, let me offer three suggestions that helped me break that loop and move forward in a healthier way.
1. Start with what you believe.
Don’t start finding what you “know.” Just start with what you still believe. Inconclusive. Not quite sure. Sit with what you feel comfortable believing.
Many of us, me included, feel the need to find firm footing on everything. Some things—including those five testimony elements—you might still feel an inherent belief in. Start there. You don’t have to prove them. Just acknowledge that you believe them. And if you don’t believe any of them, that’s okay too. That’s where you are.
For me, recognizing what I still believed was a turning point. In my confusion over what was true, I realized that while I couldn’t say I knew anymore, I could still choose to believe. For me, that meant believing in God and in the Savior Jesus Christ. Period. I choose to believe.
That became my foundation. It doesn’t have to be rock solid. Here’s why I know that.
Do you remember the story in Mark 9:23-24 of the man who brought his son to Jesus to be healed? As he pleaded with the Savior for help, we get this remarkable insight into how willing God is to work with us:
“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
And with that humble request and admission—”help thou mine unbelief”—the Savior healed his son.
God blesses us even when we don’t know. He is even willing to work with your unbelief.
2. When something troubling arises, check in with yourself before reacting.
If you’re like I was, your instinct might be to jump straight into the never-ending study cycle with every new troubling topic. I used to stay up late reading, verifying sources, and bingeing podcasts to get more information. I did it. On. Every. Single. Topic.
It wasn’t always productive. Oh, I learned a lot. But it didn’t help me process what I was going through. In fact, it often led to me layering on more things to process.
Now, when I encounter something new that challenges me, I pause and say, “That’s interesting.” Then, I ask myself: Will diving into this help me right now?
If not, I write it down on a list. Notable, but not urgent.
3. Know your “why.”
Last, when you feel the need to study something and begin asking more question, ask yourself why? Why do you want to study this right now? What is your motivation for seeking more information? Is it to:
- Gain deeper understanding on an important topic? (ask yourself why? again)
- Fuel frustration and resentment? (been there)
- Strengthen your faith? (often not)
- Draw closer to God? (occasionally)
If you’re feeling hurt or angry, is researching yet another topic going to help? If you already have enough information to make a decision about your faith or the Church, will digging into more historical fact, doctrinal change, human error, or policy change anything?
At some point, you have to ask yourself why you’re asking more questions. And while you’re at it, ask if those questions are helping.
At some point in my continual studies, I realized I was hurting myself by endlessly seeking more answers and trying to discern what was “big T” True.
Too often, I was trying to deconstruct everything and realized that I needed to switch gears. It was time to start to rebuild—to reconstruct some belief and nourish my part of my faith still existed. I was looking to put some meaning back into my life, and creating a sense of purpose in my questions was a logical part of it.
I am assuming that since you have come along this far, your goal is to find some meaning, find something you might still believe as well.
So, for me, that sense making towards creating a life of meaning and purpose became my new why. From then on, when new issues arose, I reminded myself that while they were interesting, they didn’t have to be my focus right now. I chose to continue believing in God, and I would concentrate on what built me up and drew me closer to Them.
I’m not saying that has to be your why. I am suggesting that you find your own why—and let it guide you.
And know that it’s okay to not know everything. You may gain more certainty over time. Or perhaps more likely you may simply learn to walk in uncertainty.
With warmth,
Your Friend
P.S. Here are a few additional books that may help you out on your journey through questions.
Navigating Mormon Faith Crisis by Thomas McConkie. This is a mindfulness-based approach to dealing with faith transitions. As a daily practitioner of mindfulness, this resonates with me and helps me to take a more contemplative approach.
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. A classic exploration of Christian belief and reasoned faith.
Benefit of the Doubt: Breaking the Idol of Certainty by Gregory A. Boyd. This book challenges the idea that faith requires certainty and argues that trust in God can coexist with deep questions.
The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires Our Trust More Than Our “Correct” Beliefs by Peter Enns explores the idea that faith is not about having unwavering theological certainty, but about trusting God even in the midst of doubt, change, and ambiguity.