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Dear Friend,

I hope you’re doing well and have found some reassurance since our last conversation about tension.

With that conversation in mind, I want to offer a word of caution as you move forward: please protect yourself.

It’s natural that, as you continue your faith journey—developing more questions than answers, learning new facts about the Church, or seeing things in a new light—you’ll want to talk about it. I mentioned last time that it could be helpful in many circumstances to find a mental health professional, a faith transition coach, or someone who has been through the experience before to talk to.

They are good options depending on your needs and can provide different support. They are also a safe group.

Here is my caution: I would encourage you though to proceed with care in sharing your story with anyone else outside of those who can provide emotional safety.

Be mindful about sharing your story. First, your journey is deeply personal, and your experiences are precious.

Second, not everyone will be ready or willing to hear what you’ve learned. Some may not be in a place to receive it, no matter how well-intentioned you are. And those who you most trust with everything else may be the least safe in sharing your changing beliefs.

Before sharing with, take a moment to reflect on your motivations:

• Are you hoping to help others understand what you now understand?
• Do you want to process what you’ve learned and gain their perspective?
• Are you seeking an emotional release?

Even if none of these motivations are conscious, you may find that some—or all—apply.

Recognize that the Church has a very explicit script that’s been developed for people who have questions and doubts. We may not realize it because it’s masked as a concern for the person.

It’s the script about being deceived. You will hear it clearly about anyone questioning, and it’s often tied to judgment about sinning or unworthiness.

It’s a defensive mechanism that Latter-Day Saints have been taught. And you may encounter it, even from the people you love. So, be cautious.

I am not trying to discourage you from talking to anyone. I just want you to know that that script exists, and people will naturally pull it out and use it without thinking about it.

Although you may have a spouse, a close friend, or someone you always confide in, be mindful of how and what you share, both for your own well-being and theirs. There are others who have gone through faith transitions and who understand what you’re experiencing. Thankfully, they (hopefully) haven’t approached you with information that could have been difficult for you to hear. Imagine how you would have felt if they had, even if they had the best intentions.

If you need a space to process your thoughts and emotions, consider alternatives like journaling, quiet contemplation (mindfulness), listening to thoughtful podcasts, or online forums that foster healthy, meaningful discussions—especially those within the Latter-day Saint community that encourage exploration and understanding.

Now, if you are in a situation where you do choose to share your story with others, remember this:

• Your journey is sacred. It’s a deeply personal path, so ask yourself, Who is privileged to hear my story? Whom do I trust?
• You are in control of how much—or how little—you share. For example, one of my easy go-to lines has been, “I know less now than I used to,” which I would only say in one-on-one conversations. Some people responded well to this, others haven’t.
• Once shared, your words cannot be taken back. This isn’t to say you should be fearful, but rather thoughtful. Your perspective today is different from a year ago, and it will likely evolve further in the weeks, months, and years ahead. But for those you confide in, your story today may become the one that stays with them.
• Please be particularly cautious about sharing with Church leaders. This isn’t meant to discourage you from sharing but recognize that not everyone will treat your journey and your questions with reverence. Some in callings of authority may respond in ways which could be harmful.

I understand the desire to connect with others who share similar experiences—I felt that way too. Have patience with those that may be very orthodox in their beliefs and try to not tread on their space.

I often found this a challenge. When I was going through my own faith transition, I was teaching Gospel Doctrine. I often wanted to edge towards sharing new insights and perspectives.

On a personal level, I was able to find careful ways to talk with my spouse without hurting her beliefs. I was surprised to find that she was feeling many of the same things as I was, often for different reasons. It has eventually led us to much more beautiful and expansive discussions of our faith and what is meaningful to us. We are more firmly rooted in our belief of a loving God and to each other.

I was very lucky in this. At times, having different beliefs than a significant other can be hard. I heard someone say recently that having a mixed-faith marriage used to mean two people from two different faiths. Now that can mean two people in the LDS religion.

Take care of yourself and, as you continue your journey, trust yourself. Be patient with those around you. And above all, know that you are not alone.

With warmth,

Your Friend

P.S. If you want to understand how to better navigate the LDS community, I’d recommend reading Living on the Inside of the Edge: A Survival Guide by Chris Kimball. Chris brings his experience as a life-long member and bishop to help you navigate being in the Church with changing beliefs.