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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nDear Friend,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m writing because I sense that you\u2019ve been experiencing a shift\u2014in your beliefs, in your faith, in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I\u2019m wrong, I apologize for sending this. You can crumple it up and throw it away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But if you\u2019ve been feeling unsettled, if something inside you has been shifting in ways you can\u2019t quite explain, please read on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve noticed it but, don\u2019t worry\u2014it\u2019s not obvious to everyone, except maybe to those who have been through it, like me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am writing to you because I\u2019ve been there. For a long time, I couldn\u2019t fully articulate what was happening. In my journal, I kept describing it as tectonic plates of the earth moving\u2014slow, deep, and inevitable. My foundation was shifting, but I didn\u2019t really know why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wasn\u2019t sure what was changing or how much, but I could feel the shift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know exactly what you are going through. So, I am writing these letters essentially as if they are to me. I can only address what I would have wanted to know when I went through my faith journey. I am sharing them with you in the chance that it will give you some help and a sense of hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re there, I want you to know this one thing first: You are not alone. Let me support that claim, first with a little data. If you are still in the LDS faith tradition, more people that you might expect around you in the pews every week are going through some of the same questions you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back in 2011 research from the Pew Charitable Trust found that about 22% of members of the LDS church expressed some doubt about the Church\u2019s teachings.[1]<\/sup><\/a> That\u2019s over one in five members!<\/p>\n\n\n\n But recent data shows a bigger shift in those that question. LDS researcher, journalist, and author Jana Riess and Benjamin Knoll have recently completed a study of members in which they identify a group they call \u201cLiminals\u201d who are somewhere between full orthodoxy and disaffiliation. The individuals may participate in church activities and maintain some level of belief, but they also experience significant doubts or disagreements with church teachings. From their research, Liminals make up about 55% of LDS church members.[2]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, you\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Elder Dieter Uchtdorf observed \u201cThere are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions.\u201d [1]<\/sup><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n At another time, he reassured young adults, \u201cWe are a question-asking people. We have always been because we know that inquiry leads to truth.\u201d [2]<\/sup><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, he went on to say, \u201cSome might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn\u2019t feel that way. Asking questions isn\u2019t a sign of weakness. It\u2019s a precursor of growth.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n There you have it: asking questions equals growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, second, also know this: You\u2019ve done nothing wrong to be the place you are in. As Elder Uchtdorf says, you\u2019re actually at the beginning of a stage of growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I may not know exactly what you\u2019re feeling, but I have a sense of one part of it. Whatever has brought you to where you are, you\u2019ve probably said to yourself, “I used to be so strong in my faith. I knew this, I believed that\u2026and now I don\u2019t.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Or maybe, “I still believe, but I\u2019ve learned something new that contradicts or complicates what I have known.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, it feels confusing\u2014because it is. And it\u2019s a lot to work through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oftentimes complication and confusion come with feelings of guilt or shame, like you did something wrong to cause it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I am going to be upfront with you: often shame comes from the way leaders and members in the church frame questioning, uncertainty, and doubt as problems. Whether they intend to or not, we come away feeling like we\u2019ve done something wrong to be sitting here with our questions handling new information that contradicts our previous way of thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So let me take one burden off your shoulders by saying it again: You did not cause this. You didn\u2019t do anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with you because you are struggling with questions or doubts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you remember the story of Jacob in the Old Testament? After Jacob wrestles with an angel of God, he asks for a blessing. The angel blesses him and says, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel (Yisra’el), for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed” (Genesis 32:29)<\/p>\n\n\n\n The name Yisra’el means \u201che struggles with God.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Struggle is in the name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I\u2019ve struggled with questions myself, I eventually found that my unsettled feelings had a name\u2014cognitive dissonance. For me, it was the tension of realizing that what I was seeing didn\u2019t always align with the values and beliefs I held deep in my heart. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort you feel in seeing and holding or witnessing conflicting thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors. That was my tectonic plate shift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And like you, I needed to understand it. I had to read, to learn, to ask questions\u2014to find clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe that\u2019s where you are now. Maybe you\u2019ve had questions before, but you set them aside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ve heard hard or surprising things, learned things, and tucked them away in a corner of your mind. And yet, no matter how much you try to move forward, questions keep coming back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ve even followed Elder Uchtdorf\u2019s counsel to doubt your doubts. But that dissonance lingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am not going to tell you all the problems I or others have seen and felt. Like many, your shift possibly started with something someone said that didn\u2019t feel right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whatever it is, just start here: Cognitive dissonance is normal\u2014it\u2019s a psychological response when things don\u2019t match up. And it\u2019s natural to seek answers to resolve those feelings. That natural way comes from questioning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometime in my searching, I came to appreciate the wisdom of Elder Hugh Brown:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI admire men and women who have developed the questing spirit, who are unafraid of new ideas as stepping stones to progress. We should, of course, respect the opinions of others, but we should also be unafraid to dissent\u2014if we are informed. Thoughts and expressions compete in the marketplace of thought, and in that competition truth emerges triumphant. Only error fears freedom of expression\u2026 This free exchange of ideas is not to be deplored as long as men and women remain humble and teachable\u2026 We must preserve freedom of the mind in the Church and resist all efforts to suppress it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps you\u2019ve sought out additional information. You\u2019ve looked beyond Church sources. That\u2019s understandable. No one should fault you for seeking answers. No one should shame you for trying to understand the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This Church was founded on the very premise that those who ask God can receive answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Elder Uchtdorf gives us some reassurance, \u201cSome might ask, \u2018But what about my doubts?\u2019 It\u2019s natural to have questions\u2014the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re in that place now, please don\u2019t let anyone make you feel guilty for being here. For seeking, for learning. You are here, at this moment, because of good intentions. Because you value truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am sure that you\u2019ve felt enough of the struggle to know that no one would choose to feel what you\u2019ve felt. Who would choose dissonance and uncertainty? Your goal has been to resolve those feelings, and that\u2019s what causes pain. You\u2019ll hopefully find that\u2019s what causes growth as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So don\u2019t let guilt or fear make those struggles worse. As church historian and author Melissa Inouye once said, \u201cStruggle is a feature, not a bug.\u201d[3]<\/sup> So don\u2019t fret the struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And most importantly, know you are not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re interested, I\u2019ve written some additional letters that I am happy to share with you. I won\u2019t answer any specific questions or address thorny issues. There is plenty of that to be found elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Each letter is simply designed to help you to recognize that what you\u2019re feeling on your journey is normal and help you on your path. They come from what I myself have learned, and from the wisdom and counsel that I was lucky enough to hear from others. They are just designed to reassure you, not point you in any one direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I also take pains to not raise any additional doubts for you or open up more issues for you. That\u2019s not my goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Importantly, I don\u2019t have answers for you to get through this faster or provide you with a simple \u201c10 step plan\u201d to get through this. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s productive or even realistic. Each person is on their own journey and it\u2019s better to find your way in your own time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My goal is just to help you know a few things along your journey, wherever that leads you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because it\u2019s your journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, wherever you are on that journey, take a minute to pause. Take a deep breath and feel that you are loved. You are important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Speaking of journey, feel free to move on to letter two when you are ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With warmth,<\/p>\n\n\n\n P.S. In case you are wondering where I have come through on all of this. I will tell you this: I am still on the journey, just as you are. I believe in God, a Heavenly Father, and a Heavenly Mother, and I believe and trust in the example of Jesus Christ. In the process of re-examining my faith I have found that they are more loving and kinder than I had ever before felt. I don\u2019t have all the answers that I thought I once needed to have, and I am very much okay with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [1]<\/sup> Dieter Uchtdorf, Come Join with Us, October 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [2]<\/sup> CES fireside, November 2009<\/p>\n\n\n\n [3]<\/sup> Melissa Inouye, Sacred Struggle<\/p>\n\n\n\n [1]<\/sup><\/a> A fifth of Mormons express doubts about some church teachings, October 10, 2013, https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/short-reads\/2013\/10\/10\/a-fifth-of-mormons-express-doubts-about-some-church-teachings\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n [2]<\/sup><\/a> https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mormon.land\/reel\/DEn0S_oBLY7\/<\/a> and https:\/\/www.sltrib.com\/religion\/2025\/01\/03\/why-people-leave-lds-church-why\/<\/a> (Paywall).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Reading time: 9 minutes Dear Friend, I\u2019m writing because I sense that you\u2019ve been experiencing a shift\u2014in your beliefs, in your faith, in your life. If I\u2019m wrong, I apologize for sending this. You can crumple it up and throw it away. But if you\u2019ve been feeling unsettled, if something inside you has been shifting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[23,24,21,15,20,10,22],"class_list":["post-41","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-your-friend","tag-belief","tag-cognative-dissonance","tag-doubt","tag-faith-journey","tag-faith-shift","tag-hope","tag-struggle"],"yoast_head":"\n
Or maybe a child or a friend of yours left the Church, and their journey made you wonder. If so, bless you for your heart is in the right place. You are trying to understand complicated issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe you have an LGBTQ+ child, sibling, or friend whom you love dearly, and you\u2019re struggling to reconcile that love with the way they\u2019ve been treated by others. Again, you\u2019re blessed for your love and charity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps your love for God and Christ is making you question a Church policy or an experience you\u2019ve had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or you\u2019ve seen historical events in the Church in more detail, and it\u2019s left you wondering why it\u2019s different from the stories you\u2019ve heard at Church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your Friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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