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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nHi Friend,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m really glad you\u2019re back. I\u2019ve been excited for you to read this because I really want to tell you something that I hope will help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can call whatever you are feeling whatever you want. Some people call it a faith crisis which can be described as \u201ca period of doubt or questioning of one’s beliefs, that often leads to feelings of confusion, grief, and a sense of disconnection from God or one’s faith community.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I pulled that straight from a Google search, but it\u2019s pretty spot on. The only thing I might add is that there can be a lot of pain, isolation, loneliness, even despair that comes from it. I\u2019ve personally felt all of those.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For some reason, I could never bring myself to call it a crisis. I don\u2019t know why. I didn\u2019t know what to call it. I just knew that what once felt certain now felt\u2026unsettled. I kept thinking, \u201cIf this is the truth, why does it feel so complicated?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And every time I learned something new that contradicted long-held beliefs, it was like another knot in a ball of yarn, another thread unraveling, just as I was trying to wind it back up again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What once felt neat and organized now felt tangled and frayed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It took me a long time to find the right term for it all until I finally understood that I wasn\u2019t standing in a crisis\u2014I was walking on a journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I first heard it termed as a journey from Father Richard Rohr, a well-known Franciscan priest and author who has written extensively about spirituality. He often highlights that we are on a spiritual journey, and references the Hero\u2019s Journey, the idea that most stories have a similar path to them (think Star Wars, Harry Potter, Homer, and now you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n He credits this idea to writer and professor Joseph Campbell, who wrote about the idea of the Hero\u2019s Journey we often find in literature and scripture. He describes how every hero (or heroine) hears a call that pulls them out of the world they once knew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes, that heroine refuses it at first. They don\u2019t want to leave behind what\u2019s familiar. Who would? It\u2019s uncomfortable here!<\/p>\n\n\n\n But eventually, they get called again and, reluctantly, they step forward into the unknown. And that\u2019s when the real journey begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If that\u2019s where you are, I hope you will accept it as a journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why a journey? Because you\u2019re going somewhere with this, wherever \u201cthis\u201d is. And it\u2019s yours and yours alone. No one else can take it for you. No one else will experience it exactly as you do. You might find people who have walked a similar path, and their stories might resonate. But in the end, this is your<\/em> journey, and it will unfold in your<\/em> way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I dug deeper into this concept, I found this quote by Joseph Campbell, who applied the Hero\u2019s Journey to us in a way that excited me. He said, \u201cWe must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Afterwards, I wrote in my journal, \u201cThe idea that I am on a journey is both enabling and empowering for me. It wasn\u2019t really one I chose. And I realize now that I refused it for years until I could no longer ignore it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the ways this idea is enabling is in recognizing that to make this journey I can leave things behind. I always struggle with the urge to overpack for any trip. On this journey, I decide what to take with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The other way this is enabling is realizing that this isn\u2019t just any journey, it\u2019s an epic journey. It\u2019s likely to last a lifetime as I figure it out. That somehow feels more interesting than sitting at home \u2018enduring to the end.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll probably never get back to a home that looked like it did before\u2014fixed, certain, and unchanging, nor would I fit in that place. It\u2019s good to visit, but it never quite looks the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whatever has led you here, it may feel like a quiet feeling that won\u2019t go away, for it is your calling to step outside of what you once knew. That can be terrifying. For a long time, I resisted. I told myself I had all the right answers, that I just needed to hold on tighter. But eventually, I couldn\u2019t ignore it anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The idea that this is a journey\u2014rather than a crisis\u2014has been freeing for me. It tells me I am heading somewhere and becoming something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, just because it\u2019s a journey doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s easy. I think that\u2019s because it\u2019s not about the destination as it is the act of learning as we travel. Melissa Inouye, who recently passed away after a long struggle with cancer, wrote,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTrying to have a trouble-free life would miss the whole point of life. The purpose of life is to explore opposition and contrasts, and to struggle to love without pride or selfishness. Challenging and even devastating incidents are not a waste of time or effort because they stretch our experience to fit the reality of the cosmos as it really is.\u201d[1]<\/strong><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n As I wrote more in my journal about being on a journey, I made one realization about my journey: I get to decide what to carry with me. I don\u2019t have to take everything. I can set things down. I can travel lighter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Traveling lighter does not necessarily make the journey easier. No, I can testify of that through my own experience. The very fact that we have reluctantly gone down this path is because we knew that the journey would be hard. But traveling lighter does mean that you decide what to take with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I still remind myself of that today\u2013I\u2019m still on the journey, and sometimes I need to take something out of my backpack and leave it at the side of the road. At other times, I pick up something new and helpful to bring along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Importantly, a journey is a great metaphor because it involves movement. It means growth. It means you, and I, won\u2019t be stuck in one place forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It also means coming to accept that we may never return to the same home we left behind. When we go away and change, home doesn\u2019t feel the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ve probably felt that if you\u2019ve ever gone away, say to college or moving for a job, and left home. You changed with your new experiences. And because you changed, home felt a bit different when you came back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The poet T.S. Eliot, who famously coined this in his poem, \u201cLittle Gidding\u201d: “We shall not cease from exploration, and<\/em> the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe that\u2019s part of the journey\u2014not returning exactly to where we were but discovering something new. A home that is bigger, more expansive, fuller of love and grace. A place where we can be fully ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, if you\u2019re feeling lost, if you\u2019re wondering where this road leads, just know this about your journey: It\u2019s not a detour. It\u2019s the path.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I believe that where it leads will be worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Journeys can be transformative. For us, and for where we call home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If it all sounds scary, I can tell you that you can find comfort along the way. We\u2019ll talk about that another time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With warmth,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your Friend P.S. I am going to recommend some things to you that you may or may not want to read along the way. Here are three from LDS authors, and the one by Father Richard Rohr. There is no need to read all or any of them\u2014this is a long list. This is your journey, so you take what you want with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You will find a much longer list of books and podcasts at the end of these letters for you to explore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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