{"id":83,"date":"2025-06-08T12:36:48","date_gmt":"2025-06-08T12:36:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lettersforthejourney.com\/?p=83"},"modified":"2025-06-23T20:28:25","modified_gmt":"2025-06-23T20:28:25","slug":"letter-ten-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lettersforthejourney.com\/?p=83","title":{"rendered":"Letter Ten: People"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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Reading time: 8 minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Hi Friend,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might remember that last time we talked about challenging dualistic thinking, that all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking that leads us to think in extremes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, I want to apply it to a particular topic: people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What kinds of people? Historical people. But also, people today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s start with historical:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As your views evolve, you may see historical figures, church leaders, or even family members differently. Someone you once admired may seem deeply flawed, while someone you dismissed may now appear insightful. This happens a lot in our society today. And it can happen equally with members of the Church, especially those in church history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recognize that people then are just as complex as people today are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try to hold space for complexity\u2014people are not just “good” or “bad” but a mixture of both. Understanding this can bring both heartache and a newfound sense of compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, this realization can feel unsettling. If someone made mistakes, does that mean everything they taught or stood for is invalid? If they did great things, does that mean their flaws don\u2019t matter? Both can be true at once. A person\u2019s failures don\u2019t erase their contributions, just as their achievements don\u2019t excuse their shortcomings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This idea of being complex doesn\u2019t excuse what they\u2019ve done\u2026wrong is still wrong. And I am not trying to let anyone off the hook for bad, sometimes horrendous behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this is hard because in the LDS faith tradition we are extreme all or nothing thinkers, especially about people. We are very good at hagiography, a form of idolizing and creating idealized biographies of church leaders. That idolizing by telling heroic faith-inspiring stories and leaving out the negative stuff only sets us up to be disappointed, or worse, feeling like we\u2019ve been deceived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More and more we understand this. When I introduced a gospel doctrine class to the word hagiography and wrote it on the whiteboard, I turned around to see half the class either writing it down or looking it up on their phone (or texting their friends to say, \u201ccan you believe this guy?\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, we still have a hard time believing that people are complex and nuanced, despite repeated attempts by prophets themselves who tell us that they are not perfect. So, you will hear people defend those in history until their last breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s listen to what voices from the past said about their own weaknesses:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joseph Smith said, “A prophet was a prophet only when he was acting as such.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brigham Young repeatedly stated something to the effect that, “I am not infallible and never claimed to be.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And today, Elder Dieter Uchtdorf commented in General Conference, “To be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think this applies to today\u2019s leaders and teachers as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elder Henry Eyring affirmed this idea: “The Lord has said that He is willing to work with us, imperfect as we are, because He loves us. That must be true for His servants as well.”[1]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elder Jeffrey Holland put it even more plainly: “Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we.” (General Conference, April 2013, Lord, I Believe<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are four reasons that I see why we should not waste a moment trying to categorize people because of their mistakes. In fact, we should consider giving them some grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, recall our discussion about all-or-nothing thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we expect perfection from our leaders, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Doing so, we rob ourselves of valuable insights from imperfect but inspired individuals. Understanding that truth can come through flawed messengers allows us to discern with both wisdom and humility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, it\u2019s too easy to judge historical figures by today\u2019s standards, and it doesn\u2019t work out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This tendency is known as presentism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This happens when we evaluate people from the past using modern values, overlooking the cultural norms, knowledge, and limitations of their time. While it\u2019s important to acknowledge mistakes and learn from history, we should also strive for fairness. Just as we hope future generations will understand the complexities of our time, we should extend that same consideration to those who came before us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recognizing presentism allows us to hold a more balanced view of history. Rather than seeing past leaders as either wholly good or irredeemably flawed, we can appreciate their contributions while acknowledging their imperfections and the harm they caused. This doesn\u2019t mean excusing wrongdoing but rather striving for a deeper, more compassionate understanding\u2014one that reflects the reality that all people, past and present, are shaped by their circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third, we can recognize someone has done something, but we can\u2019t fully understand their motivations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we look back, we can see past actions. But, unless we have someone\u2019s record, thoughts and motivations are not understandable. So, how could we judge?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe more importantly, why should we be the ones to judge?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact of the matter is that there are many things that have happened in the Church where people were motivated to protect the Church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can I relate to that? Well, in my call to the journey, I can think of countless times when I saw or heard something I thought was wrong, maybe a policy or a bit of history, and I just assumed that it would all work itself out. As long as the church was true, I reasoned, it would be okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fourth, a reminder that people are just complex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think of someone you admire. What qualities make them inspiring to you? Now, consider someone whose actions trouble you. What might have shaped their decisions? Doing this doesn\u2019t mean excusing harm or ignoring truth\u2014it means embracing a more honest, complete picture of humanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more we learn to see people in their full complexity, the more grace we can offer\u2014to others and to ourselves. And perhaps, in doing so, we will find it easier to navigate our own faith journey with patience, humility, and hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With history behind us, let\u2019s turn to current people. I know\u2026there are times when current members of the church are obstacles to our healing, perhaps even to your belief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you remember how I said people are complex? Here\u2019s a switch: they (we) can be both complex, and simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can be complex in that we can hold two or more conflicting positions. For example, having a desire to follow the Savior, and exhibit a serious lack of charity for others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we can be simple in that we often will follow a simple script that we\u2019ve been taught our entire lives. Here\u2019s the simple pattern related to many in the church when they know you are going through a faith crisis:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, they will want to fix you, and when they can\u2019t, they will want to avoid you and label you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And rare is the person that will truly want to understand you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are two scripts that people can adopt. The first is following a script about people who are going through a faith transition or leaving the church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve heard these before:<\/p>\n\n\n\n