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Hi Friend,

Let’s talk today about rituals…

That sounds kind of weird, doesn’t it?

It’s not a word we use much, but we practice them a lot.

Oh, you know, we tend to use the word ordinance more frequently. You probably think of them as things we participate in, that are largely administered by the church: baptism, sacrament, the temple ordinances.

And maybe that’s the problem—we don’t think about them often. We mainly show up.

I know I didn’t think about them much, except how to get the most out of them when I was participating.

I tried to make them meaningful. Preparing for sacrament and keeping my thoughts focused on the hymn or reading scriptures for sacrament and such. But I think you’d agree that we can sort of switch on the ritual autopilot. We show up and participate.

For me, things changed a bit when Covid-19 hit, and we were all at home. When sacrament became a weekly family ordinance that we did ourselves, it became more of a ritual. We were administering it, so we put more thought into how to make it meaningful while we were at home.

To improve the experience, my wife, being her thoughtful self, ordered a set of plates and small sacrament cups that were hand made by a refugee family. It gave us an added personal touch, and added a broader part of our ritual, which included washing the plates and cups each week.

It also opened up a personal aspect of rituals that made it more thoughtful.

I came to see the ritual of the sacrament, including preparation and cleaning up, as a solemn activity. It was something that had meaning and took me out of the everyday, even while at home: preparing the service, blessing it, my sons administering it, and washing up afterwards.

It happened because we did it and it added meaning to my life. And that was pretty amazing during a difficult time.

I know that not everyone had the availability of the sacrament during that time. And I recognize that women, who don’t administrate ordinances, may have different feelings.

But bear with me, because I believe the sentiment of rituals can appeal to us all. Author Casper ter Kuile says that the very definition of a ritual is “taking things we do every day and layering meaning…onto them, even experiences as ordinary as reading or eating–by thinking of them as spiritual practices.”

It’s summed up so well by Christina Baldwin who said that “A ritual is the act of sanctifying action—even ordinary action so it has meaning.”

Sanctifying an action: making meaning from the ordinary. To me, that’s a “Yes I want more of that” kind of amazing.

Yet, despite the power of my experience, I mostly filed it away post Covid. That is, until I started on my own faith journey, where I once again learned that there is power to creating rituals that are meaningful in our lives.

For me, this recognition started with small rituals. Hiking the woods nearby with my dog. Reading from the same sacred texts every morning and then taking time for mindfulness and expressing gratitude. Taking my AirPods out and listening to the birds when I walk. Finding opportunities to volunteer and to do service.

They are all rituals. They are easy, free, and powerful. And I no longer think they need to be owned by someone else, or only done periodically. They can be part of our daily experience.

So, if you are looking for something to enrich your life regularly, create your own rituals that make life more meaningful.

I invite you to think about the areas you can enrich with rituals:

Personal rituals. Find what is meaningful for you and create personal small rituals of study, contemplation, worship, connection, or temporary solitude and disconnection from the world.

Family rituals. Our family has had many rituals in the past. Some we’ve been able to keep. Others haven’t fared so well. We are still trying to find those that are meaningful. Sometimes it’s a struggle.  They include getting together, celebrating life milestones, and with our children at various stages of belief, creating meaningful holiday rituals.

Community rituals. Getting together with others or participating in our community. Our favorite is sharing a meal with others in our home, which has always been to us.  It has always brought us joy.

Again, from author Casper ter Kuile,

“How might I find deeper happiness? The science points to an answer in the abstract: Find more community. Deepen your connections with others. Be with others in meaningful ways. Find rituals to organize your life. It will boost your happiness, give you greater joy, and even add ten years to your life expectancy, science suggests.”

Good luck with finding rituals that move and sanctify you and regularly bring you closer to the divine and to those around you.

I hope you can find what’s meaningful for you, and you do it again and again.

With warmth,

Your Friend

P.S. How do we address the topic of our most common ritual, prayer. I don’t know if it’s meaningful to you or not. I can tell you that the pendulum has swung during my journey from deep, long, and heart wrenching one-way conversations, to no prayer at all. Maybe never does one feel the deep night of the soul more than in unanswered pleas.

I can vividly remember prayer teaching moments in my life—when I was an investigator being taught by the Elders, teaching as a missionary and helping my children pray. We’ve always been instructed that there is a formula to how it’s done. And, at least for me, that taught me that in some ways, my relationship with God was transactional. Ask, receive, thank, and ask again.

I think that prayer can evolve and still be meaningful, even if traditional our understanding of God or how God communicates with us may change. I hope you find what is meaningful for you—something that helps you feel mindful of the presence of God, a sense of gratitude, and a connection to something that is larger than yourself. That doesn’t have to completely disregard nor completely honor the traditional practice of prayer that you’ve always held to.

P.P.S. Here are a few reading recommendations for you:

The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities into Soulful Practices by Casper ter Kuile. In this book the author, a Harvard Divinity School graduate, explains how to take everyday actions and turn them into rituals to improve our well-being and sense of community. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker. If you long for better gatherings with others, this is a great and practical book to guide you.